Day 1 - Starvation, Hormones, and Soy Patties

Day 1 is almost done, and I would consider it a success. By some cruel twist of fate, I started my period today. I had no idea when it would come because I've been having some issues and had a D&C about 3 weeks ago. So...I'm having all these symptoms (fatigue, hunger, headaches) but I don't know if it's my body going into "shock" or if it's my period. Either way...I guess I'll say it's a good thing because I can't blame it on the diet! :)

I had chocolate drink this morning for breakfast. I was cold, so I put it in the microwave, and it tasted like hot chocolate....very tasty! I was definitely ready for lunch though. I had a wonderful salad with green peppers, cucumbers, and celery, and a couple pickles. I also made an IP soy patty. I don't know if I cooked it wrong, mixed it wrong, of if they are just nasty. The flavor was good (I used some garlic powder on it) but it was so GRAINY. I ended up crumbling into tiny pieces and mixing it with my salad, which made it tolerable, at the very least. It did fill me up, though. This afternoon the snacking bug hit hard, and I went ahead and had my evening snack. I had the IP Dill Pickle Zippers and they ROCKED! That satisfied me for the rest of the day. Supper is still cooking, but we're having chicken breast, broccoli, and I'll of course have my huge salad. I made my own dressing, and I used oil and vinegar with just a tiny bit of Italian seasoning. It is so good. I don't think I'll miss my Dorothy Lynch much! I can honestly say that right now, I'm the normal hungry for this time of day, which makes me feel better because this morning was HARD.

My hormones went nuts today. I had a couple emotional breakdowns where I really felt sorry for myself. I cried a little and thought about the kids' brownies in the kitchen. Instead of heading for the brownies, though, I re-read what I wrote last night. I've decided I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. I can do this. I will do this.

The Skinny of A Fatty

My very first post on my blog about going from fat to skinny. Wow. I've done a lot of self reflecting over the weekend and thought a lot about how I've gone from normal to fat, and how it has affected me physically and emotionally. This blog is a big step for me...putting it all out there for anyone in cyberspace to find...but I think it is a necessary step, and just one more tool that will keep me accountable while I embark on this journey. So, to start, I'd like to just jot down some of the conclusions I've made about myself.

1. I eat out of boredom. I eat at night, when I'm the only one awake, and I have nothing better to do. Most of the time, I feel really crappy about myself the next day.

2. I've gained 11 pounds in 5 years. Not bad, really, considering that my eating habits could use some improvement. I do have poor eating habits. I will not make excuses for myself anymore. Generally, though, I don't eat BAD. I eat healthy meals most days, but my portions could use some attention. And then there is that whole boredom thing.....

3. My body has changed drastically since the birth of my 2nd child. The weight didn't come off as easy as it did with my first. In fact, it didn't come off at all....and even though I've only gained 11, I look and FEEL like I've gained 50.

4. I'm genetically predisposed to being fat. Yup, it's true. Sorry fam, but you know it. This is not a bad thing, but it is going to be a way for me to remind myself that I can't do what I want. I have to watch it more closely than others. It's not an excuse to be fat, it's an excuse to watch what goes in your mouth.

5. I have to be held accountable. If I'm not told what to eat and when to eat it, I'll cheat. I've been there a million times before, and it never works out. This time....I'm following a plan. It will work. I will learn how to eat right, and I will make it a lifestyle change. I'm tired of the yo-yo weights. I'm tired of dieting when no one else is. I'm tired of hiding and not being the person I feel like I should be because I am fat.

6. I don't make friends easily. I always say it's because I'm anti-social. Really, it's probably just another excuse. I don't make friends easily because I feel really crappy about myself, and I always swear people are judging me and talking about me...all because I have zero self confidence....because I'm a fatty.

7. I AM FAT AND I AM NOT HAPPY BEING FAT. This is a big one for me...hence the caps!

8. I want to be able to walk up a hill without being short of breath. I went to a football game a couple years ago, and while my husband and friends were gracefully trekking up hills to get to the stadium, I had to take breaks and COULD NOT BREATH. I was so embarrassed, yet I made excuses for myself. I think back about that day now and wonder why I waited so long to do something about it....

So, those are the major things. There are many more. MANY.....MANY.....MANY more. Maybe one day I'll get into them....maybe not. For now, I start the Ideal Protein diet TOMORROW. It will work. I will succeed....and look out everyone, because in approximately 8 months, I will be a skinny bitch. I will not look like this EVER AGAIN......